Time Is On My Side

I have some good news and some bad news to share with my friends and family who live in the Biddeford-Saco area.

Apparently, officials at both Thornton Academy and the University of New England are none too pleased with yours truly.

According to my sources, representatives from both institutions have reached out to the publisher of Saco Bay News, essentially telling her that it would probably be best if Randy Seaver didn’t write anymore stories or opinion columns about their respective institutions.

I was not included in those conversations, so I do not know exactly what was or was not said, but it strikes me as sort of the same vibe as when John Mitchell, President Nixon’s attorney general, threatened Katherine Graham, publisher of the Washington Post, during the Watergate scandal in 1972.

Mitchell warned reporter Carl Bernstein (one of my heroes) “Katie Graham’s gonna get her tit caught in a big fat wringer if that’s published.”

Let’s pause here for a moment. I am not Carl Bernstein. Saco Bay News is not The Washington Post. And my stories are much, much less than microscopic when compared to historic stories such as Watergate or The Pentagon Papers.

I am just a semi-retired, overweight, underachieving, middle-aged, bald man with very few of his original teeth left and no college degree. (In fairness, Carl Bernstein also never earned a college degree).

So, if you stop and think about it, why should anyone at either Thornton Academy or the University of New England give a rat’s ass about anything I write? What are they afraid of?

I completely understand why Liz Gotthelf, the publisher of Saco Bay News, decided it would probably be best if I no longer covered stories about Thornton or UNE.

Saco Bay News is a one-woman operation. Liz has nowhere near the resources and muscle that Katherine Graham had during the Watergate scandal.

Consequently, you will not see any more stories on Saco Bay News about either Thornton Academy or the University of New England written by me.

It remains unclear whether either of those two distinguished organizations will allow anyone to write about them. Perhaps permission slips will be required in the future. Who knows?

I am crushed, and trying to work through my grief.

But in reality, and generally speaking, elitists have never responded well to my words and questions. So, I should have seen this coming.

A hazy shade of winter

To be honest and fair, I get why officials at Thornton Academy are pissed at me. While the news story I wrote about their ongoing negotiations with the city of Saco was quite objective and very balanced, I sort of eviscerated them a few days later in my latest column: A Campus Set Apart.

I knew that column would piss them off, and that idea delighted me. It is more than understandable why Thornton would throw a hissy-fit. I get it. I don’t blame them at all.

That said, I wonder why John Lamb (Thornton’s PR guy) didn’t call me first. In fact, he never followed up with me. He has my number. My phone seems to be working. It strikes me as a chickenshit move.

In my world, if someone pisses you off or treats you unfairly, you respond to them directly. At least, that’s how real men solve their differences. I have zero respect for someone that complains about me behind my back.

Then again, we’re talking about Thornton Academy, so it’s par for the course.

All that aside, I own plenty of the blame here. In larger publications with more staff and resources, news stories are generated in the newsroom. Opinion pieces and editorials are kept separate and isolated from news reporters. There is an invisible, yet clear, wall between the editorial board and the newsroom.

I was trying to do both, and that’s a basic no-no, even if you try to be careful. You’re still blurring the lines.

But the University of New England’s complaints about me represent an entirely different animal.

Straight, No Chaser

Over the past several months, I have written three very comprehensive news stories about a new pier being proposed by the University of New England: Part One: City Manager Quashes Harbor Master Part Two: Controversy Surrounds UNE Pier Proposal; and Part Three: Biddeford May ‘Step Away’ From Review of UNE Pier Proposal.

In the days and weeks after my first two stories about the proposal were published at Saco Bay News, other media outlets — including the Portland Press Herald, WMTW-TV, WGME-TV and the Biddeford-Saco Courier – also picked up the story.

I put a lot of effort and time into those stories about the controversial pier proposal. My reporting was straight-up. I took great pains to be as objective and unbiased as possible.

In fact, I received accolades for my reporting on the issue from colleagues who work (or worked) for other media outlets.

But guess who didn’t call or e-mail me? That’s right, not a peep from the University of New England. And yes, they have my phone number. My email address is included at the bottom of every story I write.

Apparently, the University of New England could also use a good set of gently used balls.

So, what’s the good news?

Only hours after delivering a devastating blow to the United States Pacific Fleet at Pearl Harbor, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto reportedly said, “I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.”

From my perspective, I have now been set free and unleashed from needing to worry about objectivity. I can now publicly criticize both Thornton Academy and UNE as much as I like.

The bad news for both Thornton Academy and UNE is that they have now poked the proverbial bear; a bear with nothing to lose, lots of time on its hands and a decent social media following in the local area.

Yes, the Japanese kicked our ass at Pearl Harbor, but I don’t think I need to remind you about how the United States responded.

Seriously, this feels like Christmas morning.

Never miss another installment of Lessons in Mediocrity! Subscribe for free today!