Ted Cohen strikes again

TIME TO READ | 3 minutes (673 words)

In his latest missive — and now just the latest chapter in his rather creepy obsession with me — Ted Cohen once again uses the Maine Wire to shit on various journalists across the state without having the balls to look ’em in the eye.

Maybe it’s because he’s short, wears thick glasses and has a reputation for really bad breath. I don’t know. But something has Ted’s panties all in a bunch, taking swipes at various publications, editors and reporters from Caribou to Kittery.

Here’s the lead from Cohen’s latest hit piece, published March 23, 2026 in The Maine Wire:

The Biddeford Gazette mistakenly blasted its competitor Monday for allegedly claiming exclusivity in republishing a story from Maine’s largest paper.

Stunning! A new record for Cohen. It took the once-respected former reporter fewer than 20 words to completely fuck up his own piece.

See? This is what happens when you are fueled by nothing but rage, jealousy and deep-seated insecurity. The facts have to be rearranged to fit your own delusional narrative.

It took the once respected former reporter
fewer than 20 words to completely
fuck up his own piece.

In the Biddeford Gazette story that got Cohen jacking off, fantasizing about his next Gotcha moment, I actually wrote that I let myself be duped by a post on an amateur blog, masquerading as a legitimate news site.

I told my readers that I made a mistake by assuming the Biddeford Buzz got an exclusive. I should have known better, but then again — there was no attribution on the piece. In no way, shape or form — did the Biddeford Buzz indicate that the op-ed was actually sent to and published by the Portland Press Herald.

In retrospect, I’m still feeling rather stupid for even believing that two former mayors would publish a joint op-ed about an important community issue in an amateur blog.

But hey, stranger things have happened. I wanted to make sure everyone in Biddeford had the chance to see the piece from Alan Casavant and Marty Grohman.

When we realized our error, the Gazette offered a public apology. We believed the Biddeford Buzz piece was an exclusive without even taking the time to do a perfunctory search. I own that rather embarrassing error.

The Gazette routinely promotes other media outlets when they share a Biddeford story that we missed or just didn’t have time to cover.

Now, I don’t have Cohen’s journalistic credentials (I’ve never been fired by the state’s largest newspaper for being an arrogant, insecure twat-waffle) so, what do I know? But where I come from, plagiarism is kind of a no-no.

I haven’t seen Ted for quite a while, but it’s difficult for me to accept that he’s just that fucking stupid.

Ted’s fascination with Facebook ‘likes’

Maybe it’s because he’s too short to enjoy most of the arcade rides at Palace Playland, but Cohen often makes a big deal about Facebook followers, using that one indicator as some sort of “dick measuring” stat.

Given his fascination with Facebook analytics, I imagine the following must be a difficult reality nugget for Cohen to digest:

The Maine Wire gets pretty healthy circulation stats across Maine, but Cohen’s latest tirade has remained — as of this writing — virtually ignored. No Comments. No Likes. No shares, four days after being published.

Ouch! (See screenshot below)

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I have 2.3K Facebook friends. Does that make me better than Cohen, a self-described “digital creator” who has only 127 followers? I don’t think so, but I don’t put much stock into Facebook friends or followers.

Actually, I think Cohen and I have a lot in common. We’re both a couple of aging dinosaurs, strutting and fretting our last hours upon the stage. We’re old school in a new school world.

We’re both well past our prime and on our way out. I think it would be a lot more fun than either of us could imagine if we could get together for a few shots of bourbon and some laughs.

I used to look up to you, Ted. I used to respect you. What to fuck happened to you?

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