Every breath you take

When my boys were younger, I drilled into their heads one constant message: Everything is a choice, and every choice comes with either consequences or rewards.

Some people will argue that not every thing is a choice: a flat tire, the death of a loved one or the loss of a job. While those things may be beyond your control, you do have a choice about how you respond to any of those situations; to any situation that arises in your life.

As poet William Earnest Henley wrote more than 100 years ago: “I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”

Regular readers of this blog know that some very negative energy has tried to consume and overpower my family over the last six months.

My first and gut reaction is to fight this negativity; to engage in a war of words; to take this fight to the streets and to conquer it publicly.

Too often, I am a foot soldier, not a strategist. I run directly into battle with little thought of the consequences. Most people understand this instinct. In fact, many of my friends cheer me on as I wage each successive battle with this negativity, and I feel self-righteous — on the side of the angels.

The reputations of my wife and my children have been smeared in the public arena. Many friends have asked why my reaction has not been stronger.

A few days ago, this negative energy was revived after a three-week hiatus. Again, my family and I have become the focal point of contempt, rage and obsession. So yesterday, I began stockpiling my ammunition. I geared myself to once again respond to the negativity with brute force.

But last night I had an epiphany of sorts. I thought back to the lessons I taught my boys: I have a choice.

I can perpetuate this negative energy. I can feed this beast of darkness; or I can take pity on it. I can walk away. I can be better than the negativity. I can starve the negativity.

Sure, there is nobility in being a foot soldier, especially when defending your family. But shouldn’t I be putting more energy into supporting my family, to raising them up, rather than going to war?

War always comes with the consequence of casualties. Negativity begets negativity. Darkness begets darkness. There is absolutely no need for that in my life.

For whatever reason, my family and I have become the focal point of one man’s rage and obsession. So how am I going to respond?

I am going to pray for this man; I am going to beseech the God I believe in to help heal this man and his wounds. I am going to walk away and focus all my energy on my family, my job and my friends.

I cannot imagine the pain that this man must be feeling. I wonder if he is simply envious that I have so many people in my life who love and support me. I will pray that he can experience more of what I experience on a daily basis. I am going to forgive him.

I have a beautiful and loving wife. I have two amazing sons. I have many friends, a good job and a warm bed to sleep in tonight. I am more blessed than I should be.

For the better part of the last 20 years, I have been a semi-public figure in my community. There have always been people who have been somewhat offended by both my opinions and my actions. But never before have I experienced such visceral rage.

So while my response of prayer may seem counter-intuitive,  it is the best way I know to move forward. It is the best way to put my focus back where it belongs.

You and I are going to die. It is not a matter of if, it is only a matter of when. What will be your legacy?

With every breath you take, you have a choice. No matter how far down the scale you may have fallen, you still have a choice. If today is the day that I draw my last breath, then I want to leave this world thankful for my blessings, not bitter about a man who must be lonely, frightened and confused.

Today is a good day. It is a day I will focus on the things that really matter.