Let’s be independent together

Angus King has some problems.

I know, I know . . . King is the heir apparent for the U.S. Senate seat that will be vacated this year by Olympia Snowe.

Although the polling data points to a considerable edge for the feisty and “independent” former governor, I’m not so sure that King is a lock for the seat.

But it would seem that I’m in the minority among political observers. Pundits from Brunswick to Baltimore have essentially declared the race over, chattering with glee and wildly speculating about which political party will earn the King’s favor.

Here’s my guess: you won’t find Angus King sipping mint juleps with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell at the Kentucky Derby.

King is about as independent as my left foot.

Sure, my left foot likes to think it’s independent, but it’s still my left foot. It serves my left leg. It is the foot I always use for a pivot when I decide to make a left turn while walking.

Make no mistake, King is a Democrat who doesn’t have enough guts to call himself a Democrat.

If you want to see an independent from Maine, drive to Millinocket and visit Democrat Mike Michaud, a pro-life Democrat.

Being a pro-life Democrat is sort of like being a vegetarian Republican. Such a distinction makes you rather unpopular within your caucus and immediately leads to obscurity in Beltway power circles, which probably explains why Michaud serves on the Transportation and Veteran’s Affairs committees.

It’s no wonder why Roll Call named Michaud in 2009 as a prominent member of the Obscure Caucus, a group of men and women who,when combined, have fewer Facebook friends than my dog.

But at least Michaud has the guts of his convictions.

Sure, there are advantages to being an “independent.” First, you don’t have to spend any time or money on primary campaigns that can suck the last remaining dollar from a candidate’s wallet and leave him or her pleading for a lobotomy some four months before the real campaign begins.

Being an independent also means you can play both sides of the political aisle without feeling like a hypocrite. Being an “independent” in the U.S. Senate automatically puts you on the short list of those who get to lead the daily singing of Kumbaya at Dupont Circle.

Besides politics, in what other realm can you describe yourself as an independent?

“I’m not a Red Sox fan or a Yankees fan. I just like baseball and think both teams should work together and not be so concerned about winning the game.”

In fact, All Along the Watchtower has obtained secret footage of closed-door meeting between Angus King and Maine’s other so-called “independent,” Eliot Cutler in 1992:

But enough of my loathing for political “independents.” Let’s take a closer look at King’s strengths and weaknesses going into this race.

We’ll start with his strengths:

1.) King is very popular, and his “independent” label will allow him to draw on a voting pool from both Democrats and Republicans who enjoy singing Kumbaya while roasting marshmallows.

2.) He has strong statewide name recognition and the gravitas associated with being a two-term governor.

3.) In a state not known for picking the sharpest tool in the shed as its governor, King is actually quite smart and articulate.

4.) He is tall and appears physically fit.

5.) He has a wicked cool name. I mean, really . . . say it out loud . . . Angus King.

Now for some of his weaknesses:

1.) A fiscal conservative? Not so much

I recently asked someone who knows Angus King quite well how King differs from Democrats. “On what specific issue would King break ranks with Democrats and side with the GOP?” I asked.

“Oh, he’s a fiscal conservative,” came the reply, right on cue.

A fiscal conservative? Hardly.

In his weekly Politics & Other Mistakes column, Al Diamon eviscerated the former governor’s favorite talking point with this gem:

“King, the alleged fiscal conservative, emptied the state’s Rainy Day Fund. The socially liberal governor called for cuts in Medicaid and other human services programs. The financial hawk wanted to delay scheduled income tax cuts, and allow cities and towns to impose a local-option sales tax. But true to his left-wing side, he insisted on spending at least $25 million on those laptops.”

If you want to sample what fiscal Republicans think of King, you should visit As Maine Goes, a conservative web forum where an entire thread has been dedicated to calling out King’s shortcomings as a fiscal conservative.

2.) An awkward connection to Eliot Cutler:

Ironically, the AMG thread is labeled, The King Files, a tounge-in-cheek tribute to the controversy surrounding the Cutler Files, an anonymous website dedicated to exposing the shortcomings of Eliot Cutler, Maine’s less popular “independent” who lost his 2010 bid for the Blaine House.

Like a double-chocolate cheesecake, this aforementioned tidbit is layered with irony, especially since Dennis Bailey, one of King’s closest advisors who also served as his communications director, admitted last year that he helped create the site.

3.) Father Time:

King is 68, meaning, if elected, he will be approaching 75 by the end of his first term. Statistically speaking, that means King will finish one term in the senate roughly three years before he takes a dirt nap. Time is certainly on Chellie Pingree’s side.

4.) Waning influence?

For a guy who is so gosh-darned popular, King has had recent difficulty pushing his policy goals as a private citizen. For example, despite being consistently trotted out to oppose casinos, King’s dire warnings about the evils of gambling have fallen on deaf ears lately. Maine will soon have two full-service casinos. Is King’s influence as strong as he remembers it?

5.) Technology:

Further irony would normally be difficult at this point, but it certainly seems strange that a former governor who spent the bulk of his second term extolling the virtues of computer technology would now find himself snarled in the tangled web of social media pitfalls.

When King left the Blaine House in 2002, there was no such thing as Facebook or Twitter. But a lot has changed since King convinced lawmakers that every seventh-grade student should have a laptop computer. In fact, one of those former seventh-graders grew up and decided to launch a Twitter account for the former governor.

There’s just one problem: The former governor and senate hopeful has no control over the Twitter account, best evidenced by its pithy and hilarious tweets, such as:

•  Maine is completely covered in rain and clouds, and crappy tweeters are still purporting. Coincidence? Don’t test me; or
• Lordy it’s bad enough I have blowhard Cutler calling me day and night. Now I have this pushy broad (Cynthia Dill) sending me crappy twitters.

For more of the Twitter feed that is driving Angus berserk, you can follow the anonymous, fun-loving tweeter: @king_angus

See what happens when you give every seventh-grader a laptop?