It’s been a crazy, hectic and somewhat emotional week.
On the work front, I was dealing with back-to-back significant news stories that took up a lot of my energy and time.
And — Laura chipped a tooth while eating a salad (Exhibit 104 of why you should avoid salads). The ensuing emergency dental visit put a nice little ding on the bank account.
We struggled with getting the camper ready for the season, and could not figure out why the battery was not charging. It’s fixed now. Also, the work week was evenly framed by two Saturdays of rain. Nice. I am already way behind on my outdoor chores.
And then there is always the plentiful criticism, the wailing and gnashing of teeth from people who are upset about me being one of the admins on the Biddeford + Saco Community Facebook page. What else is new?
My friend Liz Gothelf, publisher of Saco Bay News, was also there to cover the story, but I doubt that she experienced any of the emotional baggage that I felt walking back into that building for – presumably – the last time.
I would not be who I am today if I didn’t shit my pants in the first-grade.
You see, I was a first and second-grade student at JFK, just before my parents bought their home in Saco.
Liz and I left the press event at the same time. On our way out, we spotted a large canvass hanging in the hallway. Apparently, it was used to take pictures of the students. The banner read: “Be Awesome Today! We Are So Proud of You.”
We simply could not just walk past that photo opportunity. We took pictures of each other under the banner before exchanging goodbyes in the parking lot.
I quickly walked back to my truck, trying to hold back the tears welling up inside of me. I didn’t want anyone to see me crying.
All I could think about in that moment was a little six-year-old boy so afraid of his surroundings and the teacher that he literally shit his pants instead of asking the teacher to use the bathroom.
It might be okay if that was an isolated incident. Accidents happen, more literally: shit happens. But this was just a symptom and sort of encapsulated how I continued living my life.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been afraid. Always.
I was afraid of the other kids. I was shy, terrified of gym classes with Mr. Stanley at Young School in Saco. I was terrified of storms, I believed my parents were intentionally trying to poison me.
This carried on into high school. I was a shy basket case. I went through the motions, almost completely disconnected from my classmates. In fact, you cannot find a photo of me in our senior yearbook.
It’s as if I was invisible, and that’s how I liked it.
The fear thing continued into my very brief stint in the Air Force and followed me to college and later as I rather aimlessly shifted about the country. In and out of psychiatric facilities in Arizona, Tennessee and Oregon.
Things didn’t really change until the late 1990s when I was hired by the Biddeford-Saco Courier. All of a sudden, I had both a purpose and a personality. A couple of years later, I met Laura.
Today, I am not afraid of public restrooms. I’m not afraid of the teachers or even the principal.
Almost 55 years later, I was telling the teachers and staffers where to stand and how to pose for the photo. People listen to me — and for reasons I do not understand – they seem to respect me.
I wish I could go back in time and tell that terrified, little boy that he doesn’t have to be afraid; that very good things are coming his way. I wish I could tell him, ““Be Awesome Today! We Are So Proud of You.”
But you know what?
I would not be who I am today if I didn’t shit my pants in the first-grade.
Randy Seaver is a cranky, nearly insufferable malcontent living in Biddeford. He may be contacted by email: randy@randyseaver.com
Never miss another installment of Lessons in Mediocrity! Subscribe for free today!
As Chaucer once said, all good things must come to an end.
And that’s where I find myself today: another fork in the road, another pivot point in my career.
Over the past few days, several people have asked me why I started the Biddeford Gazette, and why I am no longer writing for Saco Bay News.
Some have speculated that I had a “falling out” with Liz Gotthelf, the publisher of Saco Bay News. Nothing could be further from the truth – at least from my perspective.
In fact, I consider Liz to be a good friend, and I very much respect and admire what she has built from the ashes of the Journal Tribune, once this area’s daily newspaper.
With grit, determination and maybe a prayer, Liz launched Saco Bay News only weeks after the Tribune closed its doors forever in 2019. Since then, she has almost single-handedly built her business into an active and respected local news source.
A couple of years ago, Liz approached me and asked if I would be interested in being a contributing writer for her publication. Although I had given up professional journalism many years prior, I thought that the idea would be a good side hustle.
I was already writing a blog about Biddeford politics, and I missed the dynamic ebb and flow of the news business. I would only need to avoid writing about my PR clients.
Liz could not afford to pay me very much, but that was okay. One of the benefits was that she would publish my All Along The Watchtowersatire column once a month.
Over the next two years, I wrote more than 140 stories for Saco Bay News, including breaking crime stories, political coverage, feature stories and 12 of my opinion columns.
I gave Liz her money’s worth in coverage, often breaking news stories well ahead of the Portland Press Herald, the Biddeford-Saco Courier and Portland’s television stations.
Liz gave me a lot of latitude, and I like to think that I helped her solidify the reputation of Saco Bay News as a serious and respected news outlet that left no stone unturned.
I am an old-fashioned reporter. I ask hard questions and do not shy from controversy, but not everyone likes a reporter with lots of questions, especially those who had become comfortable in an environment of comfortable journalism.
This is where it ends
Things seemed to be going well. Summer was quickly approaching and news stories were popping all over the place.
Writer George Orwell reportedly once said that “journalism is printing something that someone does not want printed. Everything else is public relations.”
That distinction was apparently lost on those who control the campuses of the University of New England and Thornton Academy, a public-private high school in Saco.
The PR folks at both institutions were less than impressed with my reporting of their activities. They didn’t complain to me. They went straight to Liz and suggested that it would be best if I don’t publish any more stories about them.
They didn’t offer any corrections or additional perspective. They just didn’t like the idea of me shaking the bushes. Liz — who had only days before lost her husband to a sudden illness — quickly agreed to their requests. I was not part of the meeting. I was not asked for input or clarification.
I was pissed with the intimidation tactics deployed by both UNE and Thornton Academy, but I also understood that Liz is running a media outlet on a shoe-string budget. She is alone at the helm of the ship. She decided it wasn’t a battle worth fighting.
Fine. Let’s just move on. There’s plenty of other stuff to cover. At the same time, more and more people were reaching out to me, telling me stories of dysfunction at Biddeford City Hall.
For better or worse, I have a reputation for digging up news in places that would rather remain darkened.
Former city councilors, current city employees, former city employees, business people, civic groups and municipal leaders from other communities were all calling and texting me, complaining with one central theme: Biddeford City Manager James Bennett was acting like Nucky Thompson in Boardwalk Empire.
The complaints kept coming. I had people meeting me in my backyard, breaking down in tears as they described what it’s like to work in City Hall, afraid that Bennett would find out they were talking to me.
I never liked Bennett anyway. I had nothing to lose. No one else was willing to step up, so I decided to take on the task, even though by doing so I had to relinquish what I loved: covering Biddeford City Hall.
Liz and I met at Garside’s Ice Cream. I told her that I would begin an organized effort to oust the city manager. Further complicating things, my stepsister had become Saco’s new mayor. I was up to my eyeballs in conflicts of interest. I told Liz that I would still write feature stories for her.
She agreed. I then turned my attention on ousting Bennett. It took me less than eleven weeks before he finally announced his resignation.
But now, with Bennett finally put in place, how am I supposed to be an unbiased reporter again? I can’t, and that’s why I decided to launch the Biddeford Gazette, especially since it was becoming increasingly clear that Liz was pulling further away, wanting to avoid ruffling feathers and steering clear of any controversy.
Liz and I are friends, but we have very different styles in pursuing news stories. Both styles are necessary and equally valid, which is why Woodward and Bernstein made such a good pair at the Washington Post. Liz is more like Woodward, curious but cautious. I’m more like Bernstein, brash and impatient.
A few weeks ago, I pitched a story idea about a high-profile real estate developer filing bankruptcy. She said she was not sure she wanted the story. A couple of days later, she asked if I had any related files. She was giving the story to someone else.
I politely forwarded the files, and Saco Bay News published the story with absolutely no mention of my contributing work. It was now crystal clear to me. It was time for me to move on.
A man of wealth and taste
A few months ago, I started re-reading Outlaw Journalist, a biography of one of my favorite writers, Hunter S. Thompson.
Thompson worked as a reporter for Rolling Stone magazine and several other publications across the country, and he is the one who coined the phrase “Gonzo Journalism.”
Wikipedia describes Gonzo-style journalism as “an approach to news reporting that represents a notable departure from traditional media protocols. Gonzo journalism offers readers a ‘more personal approach’ to news reporting. This style of reporting is not limited by the standards of objectivity and often includes the reporter providing a first-person narrative of the story.”
Common trademarks of Gonzo Journalism include sarcasm, humor and profanity.
I suddenly had what alcoholics describe as a “moment of clarity.”
I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and how I wanted to do it. I am now semi-retired, and I have more years behind me than I have in front of me.
If I’m going to be broke, frustrated and full of discontent, why not move forward on my own terms? Why not write and publish whatever I want, whenever I want?
The Biddeford Gazette is NOT intended to compete with Saco Bay News, the Courier or the Press Herald. I’ll be leaving traditional coverage to them..
In my mind, the Biddeford Gazette will serve three primary functions.
We will use social media tools to collect and share news about Biddeford from other media outlets. We will only publish their headlines and provide our readers a direct link to their news site. This gives people in Biddeford, a convenient one-stop destination to find out what’s happening in their community. It also helps other media outlets by driving more traffic to their sites.
We will fill some notable gaps in local news coverage by publishing limited, original content in a non-traditional manner, Gonzo Journalism. Unlike other media outlets, we will focus solely on the city of Biddeford.
Finally, the Biddeford Gazette will track and monitor the actions and maneuvers of our city’s legislative delegation, something that is not being regularly reported on by existing media outlets.
State Rep. Ryan Fecteau
For example, this week I am working on a story that will provide a preview of the upcoming legislative session and what our Biddeford delegation is planning. We will interview each of them and ask hard questions.
State Rep. Ryan Fecteau has once again been named as Speaker of the Maine House. That’s great news. But is Fecteau skirting at least the spirit of Maine’s term limits law? He already served four terms in the House before moving to a new district a few blocks away from his former home.? As Speaker, can he give his full attention to his Biddeford constituents?
State Rep. Marc Malon
State Rep. Marc Malon is returning for a second term. Congratulations! I put one of his campaign signs on my lawn, but how does he plan to separate his full-time job with the Maine Democratic Party from his service to constituents who might not be Democrats?
Hang on, things are going to be fun. We’re dusting off our keyboards and putting fresh batteries in our flashlights. We’re working for you. If you have a news tip, question or concern, please let me know. biddefordgazette@gmail.com
Cheers!
Never miss another installment of Lessons in Mediocrity! Subscribe for free today!