My wife had to buy a cane yesterday.
It’s taken almost five years to get to this point – – and try as I might — I can no longer ignore the impact that MS is taking on her body, her spirit.
Worse yet, there is not a goddamn thing I can do to stop it or even slow its progress.
Against this disease, I am useless.
Despite the lies that the boys and I tell ourselves, despite all the distractions: the self-inflicted chaos, the thousand other natural shocks that flesh is heir to, the disease has a one-up on us tough guys.
Every day, in just the smallest, almost invisible of ways, I lose a tiny sliver of the woman I adore; and she loses little pieces of a still vibrant and blessed life during a steady creep toward loss of mobility.
By now you think I would have developed better coping skills, that I would be better equipped to face the reality. You would be wrong.
I am still a prick, thinking too often is selfish terms like right now. Not much better than the way I reacted when I learned of her diagnosis.
I talk about it because it warrants conversation. Because I have to publicly own my shitty performance in dealing with my wife’s MS.
Laura is stronger, smarter and far more courageous than me. She once jumped out an airplane. She is more spontaneous, easier to get along with: daring, loving, funny and kind.
Some days are better than others. Yesterday was a good day: Yeah, she bought the cane but we also laughed during a wonderful dinner with friends in Portland.
We all have our crosses to bear. I just wish sometimes I could ignore it a little while longer.
To learn more about MS and how you can help fight the disease, check this.
LESSONS IN MEDIOCRITY 