Like a virgin

A new mayor took the city’s helm a little more than 60 days ago, but he’s not the only one getting accustomed to the slow and tedious grind of public policy making in Biddeford, where even routine matters, such as liquor license applications or a purchase of road salt, can quickly morph into a an all-out, fist-to-cuffs brawl that requires 32 legal opinions, 14 SWAT officers, two paramedics and one obligatory 35-minute monologue by City Councilor Richard Rhames.

Welcome to Biddeford, boys and girls!

Sure, Mayor Casavant should know better. After all, he spent several years as a Biddeford City Councilor during the Eisenhower Administration.

But what about the council’s political newcomers?

Of the nine city councilors, three of them are just now waking up to the grave realization that they actually got elected to the Biddeford City Council.

So while Melissa Bednarowski, Brad Cote and Michael Swanton are learning the ropes at City Hall, we thought you should know a little bit more about them and about what makes them tick.

If I were a reporter, I would have to pick up the phone or actually go meet these people to get a better understanding of what butters their bread or frosts their socks.

Luckily, I’m not a reporter. Thus, I can do what every other basement-dwelling blogger does during those long stints between dates, experiencing daylight or bathing:

I looked at their Facebook pages.

We’ll start with the council’s most inconspicuous member, who represents the good people of Ward Three.

BRAD COTE:

It’s not hard to win an election in Biddeford when your last name is Cote. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are more than 387,000 people with the last name of Cote living in Biddeford.

Brad is an affable man who was born in 1981, five years after I was first arrested and three weeks before I flunked my driver’s exam for the second time.

He is the living, talking definition of easy-going, non-confrontational politeness. He graduated from Biddeford High School in 1999, and today works as an “internal audit consultant,” which makes him somewhat dangerous. Imagine a city official who can add and subtract without a calculator. The mind reels.

Apparently, Brad and his lovely wife, Lori, recently had a baby. Or his profile picture could be his own; taken by one of his 205 friends who were not at all surprised that this mild-mannered auditor would actually want to sit through long-winded, unproductive meetings about the perils of re-opening Bradbury Street Extension.

Brad went to St. Mary’s College, a school well-known for producing some of the nation’s most notable internal audit consultants.

His interests are almost as boring as his occupation. He “likes” Redbox, the Saco Drive-In and It’s ah Hair Thing Salon.

I wanna party with this dude.

In all seriousness, expect Cote to be on the same side as Mayor Casavant and fellow Councilors Mike Swanton and David Flood 99.9 percent of the time. But he will also deliver hand-written apology notes to councilors he disagrees with.

Brad, your Delta Chi name is “Cub Scout.”  Let’s move along.

MICHAEL SWANTON:

You have to respect a man with such a serious moustache. Swanton, a plumber who originally hails from Garden City New York, looks like a contract assassin from a Quentin Tarantino movie.

He attended Biddeford High School and rides a motorcycle in some of the city’s prettier neighborhoods.

Apparently, he’s not big into the whole “social media” thing. He has 18 Facebook friends, including yours truly, Mayor Alan Casavant and several of the other city councilors. He says on his Facebook wall that he “caved” to the pressure of his friends for not being on Facebook. Don’t expect this guy to have a backbone when a controversial liquor license application comes before the council.

But Swanton is his own man. He is quiet, studious and unassuming. The new councilor from Ward One also exceeds the council’s average height metric by a whopping two feet.

This next part is true: as of today, and according to Facebook, Swanton only has two things that “interest” him, one of which is this blog. Psst, Mike…time to get a hobby, dude.

Mike, your Delta Chi name is “Chipmunk”

MELISSA BEDNAROWSKI

Finally, it’s time to meet the only female member of the Biddeford City Council.

A former planning board member, Bednarowski was unopposed for her Ward 4 seat. It’s a good thing because the city clerk’s office could not fit any other names on the ballot under Ward Four.

Originally from Manchester, New Hampshire, Bednarowski seems to take her new position seriously, listing it as her occupation on Facebook.

Melissa is a bit of an enigma in the social media realm. She keeps her list of friends hidden from public view, but apparently fellow Councilor Roch Angers and I belong to a very elite and discreet club known as Melissa Bednarowski’s Facebook friends.

Melissa spends most of her time on Facebook posting photos of herself, her dog and some of her friends. She also likes to share thought-provoking quotes that seem to match her matter-of-fact style.

It’s hard to know how Melissa will fare over the next two years of her term. Expect her to be independent, stubborn and well-prepared for whatever debates may come down the line. She is a stickler for details and a true-believer of “government service.”

Melissa, your Delta Chi name is Wolverine.

Welcome to the club, folks!