Second-hand parents

State Rep. Marie Laverriere Boucher (D-Biddeford) is living in La-La Land, where every little girl has a pink pony and giant-screen televisions repeatedly show episodes of Little House on the Prairie.

Let’s give the Biddeford City Council a rest this week, and turn our attention instead to all those wacky legislators we love to hate. What is going on in Augusta? And what has Laverriere-Boucher been smoking?

Marie has introduced a bill that would prohibit foster parents from smoking in their homes or cars because they would be exposing children to the dangers of second-hand smoke.

For the record, I am smoking while writing this column.

Marie’s bill, while chock-full of good intentions, is completely impractical and the likely passage of such a law raises serious concerns about enforcement and the state’s pathetic lack of foster parents.

For the record, I am married to a child protective caseworker for the Maine Department of Human Services.

Perhaps Marie has been too busy with the state’s projected $1.2 billion budget deficit (that’s right, I said $1.2 billion) to watch the PBS Frontline series about Maine’s DHS system. In episode two of that three-part series, viewers watched a day in the life of various caseworkers from the Bangor DHS office. One portion of that episode showed three caseworkers spending their entire day desperately trying to find a foster family for two little girls (sisters) who had been removed from their home.

For the record, Laura and I had a big argument while watching the above-mentioned television show.

Let’s be honest. Smoking is not a smart thing to do. Also, scientific studies have clearly shown the dangers of second-hand cigarette smoke. Should foster parents smoke? Absolutely not. But here’s a better question: should any child be in a foster home? In an ideal world like La-La Land, foster homes would not be needed.

Scientific studies have also shown that eating red meat is bad for you; so is exposure to sunshine. How many children have died in automobile accidents? Sugar causes gum decay and television warps their minds. I guess, under ideal circumstances, parents would be perfect without flaws or bad habits.

But before you jump on me about smoking, know this: I stepped in to help raise two boys who were — for all intents and purposes — abandoned by their father. When I do smoke, I do so in the enclosed front porch of our home, which has been converted into 50 percent office space, 50 percent dining area and the other 50 percent laundry room.

For the record, we have a small house.

I like to refer to this space as the West Wing of our home, even though it faces the northeast side of our property.

Am I a bad step-father because I smoke? Maybe. But I also coached their Little League team (no, I did not smoke anywhere near the fields.) I work with Tim and Matt on their homework and then read to them each night before their mother comes in for cuddles. I’ve taught Tim (age 7) how to play chess.

I pack the boys’ lunches each day and help them get dressed in the morning while their mother gets ready for work. I took a day off from work last week to take Tim to the doctor’s office. I do my best to teach them right from wrong and about basic values and responsibilities. I tell them both each day that I love them, and that I am proud of them. I take an active interest in their school activities and even chaperoned a field trip last year.

Am I the perfect parent? Absolutely not. But for these two boys who never had a father, they seem to think that I am. And what’s more important than that?

The pool of available foster parents in Maine is dangerously shallow; let’s not make it harder for people like Marie and her husband, Dan, who are now willing to open up their own homes in order to help a child who needs it.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of us do not live in La-La Land. Maybe that’s something Marie should think about before becoming so self-righteous on the House floor.